Why Im not a “purely positve” trainer
Just to clarify before I go too deep into this rant, this photo is of an adoptable dog named Camo who has struggled with intense frustration that has led to leash reactivity and we’re working with him to get him decompressed and back on track to finding his forever home. He is not currently being trained with certain tools mentioned in this post because he is property of a local shelter. Mentions of tools are meant to be a generalized statement. I’m sharing his picture not only because he’s a perfect example of what this post is about, but because another post of him online circulated recently with a video of him running on the slat mill and immediately the comments flooded in crying cruelty. This is my (2nd, more thought out) response to that. Camo is adoptable and would greatly benefit from a human who resonates with the rest of this post. Now that that’s out of the way… here’s why I’m not a “purely positive” trainer.
In September my dog Toad passed away unexpectedly at 10 years old. Toad was the epitome of getting thrown in the deep end with behavior modification. I was brand new to learning about dog behavior and was at the experience level of just trying to keep dogs from scuffling at my minimum wage doggy daycare job. As a person brand new to dog training I strived to be purely positive. I didn’t even want to use a gentle leader on my dog. Tools made me cringe and I was really proud of that. I thought it would bring me acceptance. I thought I would be viewed as good for taking this ~noble stand~ against “inhumane” methods of dog training. That fixation on feeding my own ego ate up the first 7 years of my dog’s life. Those 7 years were spent too afraid of taking my dog out because I couldn’t predict or control what he would do and felt hopeless because tools were NOT an option. I spent 7 years staring at myself in the mirror with those blinders on, convinced I was doing my best and in turn my dog’s quality of life suffered.
Year 8 I was unable to deny my dogs suffering any longer. We finally met a trainer who shook some sense into me. Who showed me that my dog was genetically built to behave and respond in a certain way to certain stimuli and I could keep ignoring it and defending my baby as I watched him waste away, or I could grow up into the caretaker my dog needed me to be and get real about who he was and what I needed to give him.
It was a hard road. I had to accept that my dogs lineage stemmed back to genetic selection that made him enjoy conflict. He liked to fight anything that pushed into him whether that was a person, a dog, a harness… It genetically was programmed into my dogs brain to receive dopamine in situations that were hectic and stressful. That didn’t fit the coach potato pitbull in a silly costume on the internet that I wanted my dog to be. I wanted him to be good in dog parks. I wanted him to like everyone. It took me facing my own insecurities and realizing me and him weren’t so different. I don’t like people either. I dig in to conflict and opposition. I like to fight. And most importantly I’ve always suffered trying to appease people into believing I wasn’t any of those things because those things are “bad”. And with that it clicked.
We ran the slat mill. We harnessed him up and he dragged the weight. He wore the muzzle. We endured the weird looks until they eventually faded out of view as we saw progress on the horizon for the first time in our life together. We were honest for the first time with ourselves about who he was and he started to get better. Sadly he was getting grey by the time I was becoming what he needed. We started to accept that him just being able to go to the vet and not assault the techs was a win and we went into retirement mode. He slowed down and didn’t need as much, but I still let him have it when he was interested. We trotted on the slatmill I was finally able to afford to get him the last year of his life and then he was gone. The only thing I ache over is how I let myself lose sight of my dog in my own personal pursuits to feel accepted. I look back now and my only regrets are the ones where I didn’t tune people out sooner.
Dogs like Toad. Dogs like Camo. They’re different. It’s not all in how you raise them. A lot of it is in how you enrich them and for dogs like these, enrichment can look intense, but that’s because these dogs are intense. There’s a lot we can do to try and circumvent the uglier stigmatized enrichment activities, but as someone who looks back at a dog they love with 7 years worth of regrets I’m telling you it’s imperative to ask yourself at what cost and for who’s benefit? Why is it more important to push a more acceptably appearing less fulfilling life onto these dogs? All that does is appease people who are ignorant to stay ignorant. It doesn’t help dogs, and at the end of the day that’s what I’m here to do.
After Toad got his life back I became a believer of balanced training.The further I went into deconstructing my beliefs about what was acceptable or not from my dog the more I recognized my stigma towards tools came from the same place. Prongs and electronic collars are things that looking back could have clearly communicated the things I needed to say to my dog if I knew how to apply them correctly, but I was mortified at the thought of being a bad person for using one. Customizing the approach to the dog and their specific genetic propensities just seems like the most inclusive and fair to all dogs, and the more I use tools the more I realize how hard some dogs are to communicate with in this singular approach I believed so dogmatically in before. After Toad’s death I am committed to being unapologetic in my efforts to do what’s right for the dog regardless of how it looks or who agrees. I have come to realize that all you can do in your pursuits to be a good owner and a good person in general is to do the best you can with what you know. Your intentions are all you can control, so if you’re coming at helping your dog with their best interest in mind and adapting as you see the need to or become aware of new ways that you can grow, that’s all anyone can ask of anyone else at the end of the day. Beyond that just try not to take all the noise on the internet too deeply to heart. It’s not worth the energy, effort, and time because in reality a lot of people fixated on pointing out other peoples’ perceived flaws are ONLY doing it in order to avoid addressing their own.
That’s not your job to make those people happy. You never will and it isn’t about them anyway. Focus on your dog. Don’t waste those years. You don’t get them back.
