On dogs and grief
I came up around a group of people who all had behavioral dogs that were similar in age that are all beginning to make their final trips around the sun in the last few years. My dog Toad is my connection to them. I lost him at 10 years old. A lot of these dogs are leaving us at 12,13,14 and as someone who’s coming out of the tunnel of loss and more adjusted to moving through life without him I just want to say that in a world full of dogs who don’t make it out of shelters, who never know the love of a committed owner, who spend their days in a backyard or worse with nothing to do and no outlets in sight I hope you celebrate your accomplishment.
Things happen and it can’t always work out the way we want seeing our dogs grow old, but I hope that if you do you don’t lose sight of that in the thick of the grief. I hope you celebrate what a good job you did keeping your friend safe and healthy until their body decided it was time to go. That’s not everyone’s journey whether it’s outside factors or personal choices, but if you get the privilege of seeing your dog get old I hope you find some peace in knowing you gave your friend a life so many dogs can only dream of.
Our society tends to have a very doom and gloom take on death, but when a life is well lived there has to be some celebration in that. Owning a dog means eventually losing that dog. We all have signed up for pre-ordered loss by entering into this arrangement of loving a dog, so losing the dog is going to of course be sad in the moment, but please never lose sight of the quality of that life you provided them because that is ultimately what really mattered. Did your dog know affection? Did your dog know structure? Did your dog know safety and security? Were they enriched? Did you know their quirks, good and bad and honor them in your time together? When they let you know it was time did you take on the responsibility of ensuring they didn’t needlessly suffer? Then they knew a good life.
You did it! You did your job as their guardian and you did it well! This was the point of it all and as much as it will hurt to have to accept that their journey led them away from walking alongside you on yours I hope you remember that that is as good as either of you could have asked for it to go. There’s nothing wrong with crying, in fact it’s encouraged. The only way out of this pain is undoubtedly through, but I hope as you weather that storm you’re remembering all of those things you did right as you process the goodbye. Well done.
